he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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