omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my being single is dangerous.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
