You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
