We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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