I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
