theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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