His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
