she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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