kristin has been a bad kristin
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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