He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
