If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
