I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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