Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
