i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
