She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
