Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
