I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
