There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
