You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
