Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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