So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
