Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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