the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
