uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
