no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
