I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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