the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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