You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
