I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
