ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
