If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im part way to drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
