Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
