hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
