Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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