WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
