I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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