atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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