ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
