You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
