You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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