Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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