remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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