I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
