I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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