i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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