I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
