When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
try to milk me bitch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize