if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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