when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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