Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
