I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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