The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
