nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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