I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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