How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
