Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
