I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
