I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
