onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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