I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
