Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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