My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Four minutes until I can fart!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
