Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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