So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
