At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
