hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
