Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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