Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i permit you to call me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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