whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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