There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
